16 Oct A Changed man by oscar lopez
It took me a long time, and a lot of hard work, to become the man I had become.
I’m not sure that I could even call that person a man. I’m not sure where I got my idea of what cool was, but I know it wasn’t from my parents. I was always looking at other people and how they were, and I wanted to be more like them. Thing is that the people I was watching were trouble makers. I thought making trouble was cool.
I started hanging out with people I knew my parents would not approve of. I did the things they did even though they were scary to me. Little by little it took more and more to scare me. My poor parents. They tried so hard. I wouldn’t listen. Not to anybody. Therapists, counselors, teachers, cops. They were all lame.
I did whatever I wanted.
Actually I did whatever they wanted. They being the people I looked up to. The ones that were headed nowhere in life. Actually they were headed somewhere: prisons, institutions, and death.
I made it to the first two, and there were times that it pained me to say I hadn’t made it to the third.
I was 38 when I decided enough was enough. By that time nobody wanted to be around me for very long. Not even myself. So I checked myself into rehab and stayed there for 6 months. I went to a place that told us what to wear, what to say, and how to be. No TV room, no radios in our rooms, no couches to sit on. The best skill I learned there was to shut my mouth, listen, and go with the flow. Complaining had a name at that place. Malicious gossip. It was punishable by discharge.
I completed treatment and moved into a sober living. I met some people there that I admired. I looked up to them and I wanted to be more like them. These people had careers, sponsees and healthy relationships. All that was scary to me. I didn’t know how to do any of that.
But they showed me through their examples. My sponsor got me through the steps in 60 days, and I immediately began sponsoring guys myself. I started sponsoring guys because if I didn’t have at least 2 sponsees, I would have gotten kicked out of my sober living.
They made me work. Everyone in the house was either going through the steps, or taking someone through the steps. This house was active. I did what they told me to. Even when I wasn’t sure about it. Even when I didn’t feel like it. I fully bought into the process. Not kind of. Not half way. I watched them and I did as they did. I became more like them. My life became more like theirs.
Today I have a job I like going to. I work with people I like being around. I am married to the woman of my dreams, and I have a baby on the way. My mom smiles instead of cries when she sees me. I’m back in school working to make my dreams come true. I even got my driver’s license back, and anyone that has known me knows how big that is.
Today I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams. I am not ashamed of the person I am or the things that I do. I have changed. I have been humbled.